How do you get back up on the horse? It’s a funny expression since most of us don’t ride horses as part of our daily lives, but a question I ask myself a lot as an artist and entrepreneur.
When life calls me away from my work in the world (as my 5-year old daughter’s recent hospital stay did), how do I begin again?
While my daughter was in the hospital and later when she was mending at home, everything came to a screeching halt. Of course, I was solely focused on her well-being so I didn’t really think about it.
But after she recovered 3 1/2 weeks later, I found myself feeling a little lost and historically from that place, I can get down. What will happen to the dreams I had for the year? Can I make up the time?
Part of me wanted to immediately jump back in to doing what I love, but the other part felt too depleted to be a good mentor or even a decent friend.
I considered that doing what I love might be the only path back to doing what I love well. I also considered that maybe people would understand I wasn’t at my best and that maybe, just maybe, that would be ok?
I decided to do a little of both, rest and host the weekly Soul Songs Luminaries group just a few days after we got home from the hospital. I had my reservations though and I told the group I was afraid I wouldn’t be very helpful and that I was relying on them, their intuition & wisdom to carry us.
Guess what happened? It was probably one of the best sessions yet. All the songwriters shared breakthroughs they’d had in their rewrites or recordings. It was so cool to witness.
This experience reminded me that everything is not up to us in the “carrying water from the river to the village” sense. So much is in the intentionality.
In this case, the Soul Songs Luminaries had been together for 3 months already, so a container for growth and beauty had already been established, along with a level of trust and momentum so even when things didn’t go exactly as planned, they continued to unfold.
Similarly, as I was sitting down to write this newsletter, I had the thought that I should wait until I had something more inspiring to say, until I was in a better place, but then I remembered it’s okay to be in the middle, in a spot where I don’t have it all figured out, trusting that something may be relayed in my showing up as I am right now.
What about you? Where can you show up in your life today without certainty, without knowing how it’ll go?
And if you did that more regularly, how would it change things?
I’d love to hear from you. Feel free to leave a comment below.
Xo,
Anne
- image courtesy of crocodile creek’s barnyard tower puzzle 🙂
Anne,
These words are so perfect for me right now as I am sitting in great uncertainty….in the in between place….and it’s just good to know that I am not alone there. I am working on a one-woman show and so today, I will write even in the midst of my great uncertainty….thank you for sharing your heart-felt words with me and all of us today! Big hug!
Congratulations for writing in uncertainty! I’m rooting for you Ellen!! Xo
Thank you Anne for your inspiring words, as always. I love hearing the re-affirming words that it’s ok to “be in the middle.” It’s the default place, right?
I had no idea that you and your family were going through such a hard time. I hope your daughter is healing well, and know that I’m keeping you in my heart. xoxo
Thank you for the kind words Lauren! Xoxo
Whenever I return from an overseas adventure I question what I’m returning to, and why. Why don’t I just keep traveling? But my job pulls me back here and I’m happy to be in my house again, walking around my yard, observing my garden as it grows and changes by the day. I’ve starting photographing my garden beds on a weekly basis, to record some of the changes, and as a reminder of how each plant grows into its space.
I guess I learn a lot from my flowers- that I, too, have to try every day to grow, sometimes just by gazing out the window and watching the birds (which I do– a lot) or even reading friends’ posts on Facebook. Eventually my life pulls me back in.
The best thing when I return from a trip is that I get to sleep, and then wake, in my own bed with my own pillow and quilt, and then my non-routined life starts again. I guess I’ve learned over time that I never know what a day will bring, but being able to accept and embrace that uncertainty will get me through.
Beautiful Susie! Thank you 🙂 Good questions too and I like what pulls you back in. I like the description of your days.
So good to have you back and easing in. <3
Thank you Jen! 🙂
I’ve discovered that, when these kinds of things have happened to me, the thing I need most is…time. Time to process, time to grieve, time to recover. Time is very precious, easy to give away, and impossible to get back. And no one else knows how much–or little–time you need. Some of us need that time to seek support from others; some need time for solitude, or something in between. All you can do is listen to yourself, trust yourself, and go from there.
This may be the nicest & wisest thing anyone has said to me about this! Thank you for sharing your experience Jonathan.